Edinburgh

I can't tell you enough how wonderful it was to come home yesterday from the day to very encouraging emails/prayers from George and Kristina and little notes from several other friends. They lifted my spirits. A day without an agenda, only praying, is really really tough. What I found happening most of all were certain worrisome thoughts incessantly resurfacing that I didn't realize I gave such leeway to before, because of how busy life kept me. These thoughts were really lies, uncertain assumptions I had made about the future, and even about the present and the past.

I look back through the blog postings at all the the perfect ways God provided for me over the last week - Ugh with the bags, Giovanni and Noami with the way to King's Cross, the "Take Courage" sign in my moment of fear... and I can't help but wonder, 'If God has His eyes on me for all the little things, why don't I trust Him completely with the big things that have yet to be fulfilled?' The things that He knows mean the most to me. Why don't I trust that what is important to me is so much more important to Him?

A man who loves giving gifts to the one he loves always finds her desires fascinating, and even more so, the opportunity to fulfill her desires.

It has become so apparent that this is 1/2 of what He wants to teach me here. To dwell in Him. To trust Him with my whole heart. To banish the assumptions and worst case scenarios I tend toward. To trust that living as a living sacrifice doesn't mean living as an ascetic. He wants me to live with full expectation that God has such blessing in store for me for this life too, and not only the eternal one. For someone like me, it takes greater faith for me to believe this than the opposite.

The other 1/2 of what He is teaching me - rather, breaking me into - is His desire to make me into a ministering person for Him, rather than doing ministry. It's been 2 days, and I have yet to feel led to talk to anyone. In this specific exercise He has called me to here, He wants to develop in me a sensitivity to His voice, to Him leading, to His agenda. He wants me to have no agenda except this: delight in Him in whatever I am doing and listen attentively for His voice. Be ready to help, to show kindness, and speak of Him when He brings occasion. I look through the gospels, and that is what I see Jesus doing. The Father was the one that brought together Jesus and the personal encounter.
I don't think this opposes outreach activities, but rather I'm learning that God wants me to be available and ready and flexible, and then trust Him for the encounters. That the number of encounters I have means little. Living every moment with a sensitivity to His Spirit and voice means everything. This is His version of success for me.

At every given moment, He knows who will listen today and who will just hear. He knows who will taste and swallow today and who will taste and spit out. He knows who is ready for the entire Gospel message today and who still needs to experience Christ's love with a simple "Praise Jesus" as a reply to their thank you. Our God is far more faithful and invested than we are in making sure every person has the opportunity to choose Him as their ransom. It just hit me today that if I do more or less than what the Spirit told me to do during an encounter - as in speaking vaguely, or speaking forcefully or out of cold routine - I may be complicating the person's appointed time to hear the Gospel when they're able to actually receive it. The last thing this world needs more of is someone who thinks they're saved because they know the Gospel message, and yet have no relationship with Jesus.

Anyways, check everything I say against the Word and against the convictions the LORD gives you.

As for Christina at the Forsythe Tea Room, God baited and switched me. She wasn't the one who needed encouragement; she pretty much drenched me in encouragement! If the Shaw twins at church are like rainbows, Christina is sunshine. She has terrible arthritis and osteoperosis, to the point where her fingers and toes are all crooked, and yet her joy, her steadfastness, her confidence in the LORD was overflowing. She worked in pain, and yet served her teahouse guests with such love and selflessness. I hadn't said but a hello when we hit it off, unable to get out fast enough all our favorite verses and what God had been teaching us lately. She told story upon story of all the little miracles God had done for her in her little teashop. The power went out a few times. As I bused tables and washed dishes for her in the dark, we sang hymns together and I sang her some Shoreline worship songs. Tuesday we'll sit and just read the Bible together.

I've gained a most precious grandmother.

Lastly, Room 65 is awesome. I just sat and took it all in last night. Guys, I love - absolutely love - their boldness to speak the Gospel, to speak of Jesus, to speak of repentance and restoration in between each worship song. It is so easy here to speak vaguely, to not want to offend people. But the Christians at Carrubbers are unafraid to speak the truth in love. And God gives them incredible favor because people are truly repenting and coming to the LORD. Please pray for my friend Emma I've met there (not the Emma of London). She and Pastor David are doing a sort of intensive Alpha course every Tues and Fri afternoon for people who indicate during the nights at the cafe that they want to learn more about Jesus. I think this is awesome - Carrubbers has a true heart to not only make Christians, but to make disciples of Christ. I prayer-walked with Emma today for a bit and...yeah... it's just amazing how God orchestrates people to minister to us and mature us in our faith.

Tonight I'm staying in and getting into His Word again. Thurs night is Bible study at CC Edinburgh. Fri night is evangelism in Edinburgh's Camden Town equivalent, dubbed 'The Underbelly". Sat/Mon/and Tues nights I'll be serving at Carrubbers. Please keep the encounters in prayer and that I can just been servant and blessing to the Christians there!

Christ's peace and love to you!